After fighting a mildew problem for MONTHS in our apartment, I just gave up today. I felt insanely sorry for myself and had the ugliest of all ugly cries. Every time I turn around we're finding a new part of our apartment covered in mildew. Our landlord is wonderful and has attempted so many times to fix this, but nothing is working. Our lease is up in May, and if getting out early was an option, we can't find anything that fits our needs.
Today I mourn for my old life. The life where I had options and some money, and time to myself. A life when I didn't HAVE to make everything from scratch if I didn't want to. A life where I could have cable and my nice cell phone, and could eat out once or twice a month. I'm sick of this, fucking sick of how things are and how they won't be changing for at least another year. We're good people and haven't been able to catch a break for more than a year now. I'm sick of getting kicked down whenever I think I'm actually up. This blog isn't just about making graham crackers and cleaning solutions, it's about my life - real life and some times it fucking blows.
So, today I mourn. I'm throwing a lovely pity party for myself and you're all invited. There will be homemade bread and brown sugar at the party.
And yes, I know I'm being a wee bit irrational. We have our health (for the most part), have food to eat, and a roof over our head. Takeout, cable, and cell phones aren't necessary; I get that. But it's my pity party so I'm making the rules.
Tomorrow however, I take a deep breath, put on my big girl panties and try to find a kick ass recipe for gumbo. Stay tuned.
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Well, there are always other apartments, although I have an equally hard time discovering that as well. To join your pity party, I bring not only the juices and liquor that I don't want to have to pack (I'm moving this week), but a story.
ReplyDeleteIn an old apartment of mine, I was just sitting on the computer, killing time before work. When I got up to get ready, I noticed that the walls were wet (this was January or so). I went 'eh, it's because it's cold outside'. And told my housemate. He went 'OH NOES WE HAVE TO TURN THE HEAT UP.' and I was like, 'uh, have fun, I'm going to work.' As I leave work, and approach my house, I see three firetrucks outside my door.
What happened? My basement flooded. It flooded high enough that it reached the intake valve for my heating system (flooding my apartment with steam). And in my city, if it's after normal hours, the fire dept. can pump out your basement for free. Now THAT was a shitty apartment!
I am so sorry that you're feeling so down. I think it's normal and I think we're all allowed those ugly cries. I've heard somewhere that crying is good for the soul...
ReplyDeleteIt WILL get better. You WILL find the perfect place to live and and that other stuff will ease up too.
For now, I can offer you a hug, a snuggle, and my never ending friendship.
You are allowed to mourn and have a good cry! Things will get better. They have to. remember what you told me...we're getting all the bad stuff out of the way early this year so the latter part of 2011 is gonna rock hard core. Love you!
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